Trail Trash #2253
Berlin H3 #2253
Oct 13th 2024
Hared by Cyber Donkey Sex
From S Pichelsberg
When the pack came together for chalk talk, it promised to already turn into one of those fall weather trails with rain coming in horizontically and blown-away marks. Despite all the foreboding, it was not all terrible. But of course, some misfortunes have to be had on trail: lack of a beer stop and not enough naughty stops (Popcorn’s opinion). Nevertheless, these were pretty much outweighed (hare’s opinion) by the fall colors, the crunch of leaves, and the view from Drachenberg over Berlin’s rooftops. There are likely to be more trails in this neighborhood in the future.Trail Trash #2250
Berlin H3 #2250
Sep 21st 2024
Hared by Multi Cunty
From Angermünde, JWD
For the six brave half minds who managed the trek into this absolutely unfamiliar territory in the Uckermark, it was a good day out. The runners enjoyed their excellent hard run, with marks put down at more challenging distances than usual, about 150 to 300 meters from a check. Nevertheless, it was easy to follow if one retired their brain and instead relied on hashing instinct – and their nose for beer. It is rumored that one hound even liberated some local honey!
Trail Trash #2249
Berlin H3 #2249
Sep 15th 2024
Hared by Cyber Donkey Sex
From U Frankfurter Tor or thereabouts
A trail laid for selfish reasons, with a few twists through Friedrichshain to Kreuzberg via Ostbahnhof and Bethanien, and then reluctantly back to F’hain over Oberbaumbrücke.
Runners enjoyed a tasty ouzo stop along the way, got confused by moist and mossy blocks before finding their way back to the watering hole.
The hare managed one of the rarer feats: runners and walkers intersected at the merge point at the same time. However, the walkers then took a tram back to B. Shame!
Trail Trash #2248
Berlin H3 #2248
Sep 8th 2024
Hared by Touched by Boobies and Lemmywanks
From U Altstadt Spandau
A last summer trail through the most western parts of Berlin. Hot and sunny, the hares at first refused to go over bridges, instead teasing the pack with a loop around newly built up areas. Nevertheless, they finally gave in and led the pack to a plunge stop with swans. Alomst everyone got into the water for a last swim of the season.
Trail after this intermission was a dry affair, only interrupted by a very hot horse and a long teased shot stop. One of the hares had found a bitter at home they wanted to get rid of. Warm, sticky, and herbal, it made folks run a lot faster – probably so they could wash down the taste with something more palatable.
The pipe of pain made an appearance and Cyber fully enjoyed its beer shower ways.
Things to do on Marathon weekend 2024
Tradition has it that Berlin H3 hosts its Red Dress Run on the weekend of the Berlin Marathon. For silly reasons, we have to break with this tradition this year. Not just because over the last years we had few of the overachievers join our Red Dress Run later in the afternoon. No, the folks who would care about traditions are either going to be away for the (also very traditional) weekend in Neuglobsow or are enjoying their trips to places where they can avoid the oncoming grey of Berlin fall and winter for a little while.
Nevertheless, Berlin H3 will offer something for visiting half minds – our beloved H.A.L.T. (Hashers Against Long Trails), where we shall show you the power of brevity, legal outdoor drinking and some brews. Detrails: Friday, September 27th; Meet up at S+U Frankfurter Allee, follow trail marks above ground, if you need a map, look at the details in the hareline event; A to B trail, no bag car. You may also find this info on our hareline and all the channels we remember to use to announce trails.
On Sunday, September 29th, there shall be a trail. Just maybe not a Red Dress Run. And possibly also not from Invalidenstraße. Watch the hareline.
Catch you on trail!
On On
Cyber
Berlin Hash Events on Marathon Weekend 2022
The marathon is cumming!
For any racists among you, you may be aware that the Berlin Marathon is on Sunday, September 25th! After a few loooong years (we’re not even sure how many at this point), Berlin H3 is excited to make you all cum celebrate with us again!
As is tradition in Berlin, we will have a whole host of events for you surrounding the zippy-zipping of the racers. Some of the events will be zippy and all will be tipp(s)y, and there will be plenty of fun for turkeys, eagles, and walkers alike!
Bear in mind: Each event will be pay-as-you-go. Keep an eye on the website and Facebook for final locations and times. Get in touch with us if you’ve forgotten how to read (or maybe we’ve forgotten how to write some important details). There is no accommodation organized for this event, so if you don’t want to sleep under a bridge, you should organize yourself something. Proceeds from the weekend events will be donated to Berliner Kältehilfe.
H.AL.T. on Friday, September 23rd
On Friday night, September 23rd, the fun kicks off with a H.A.L.T. (Hashers Against Long Trails), starting at 7 p.m. in front of Humana at U Frankfurter Tor. Hash cash is 10 Euros, but there will be LOTS of drinking, and not so much running. Any extra from hash cash will be donated to the red dress charity.
https://www.berlin-h3.eu/event/berlin-h3-halt-run-6/
Beer Mile on Saturday, September 24th
On Saturday, September 24th at 2 pm HST (Hash Standard Time), Czech my Hairy Nipples will ho-st Berlin’s 9th (not so) annual Beer Mile! Don’t know what a beer mile is? Google it! Nah, we even did that for you: https://www.beermile.com/rules. The beer mile will be held at the Rose garden in Treptower Park: Rosengarten mit Wasserfontänen https://maps.app.goo.gl/pMm9ib4EqczMDCut5 (near S Treptower Park). Hash cash is 5 Euros.
https://www.berlin-h3.eu/event/berlin-h3-beer-mile-9/
Marathon Beer Stop and Red Dress Run on Sunday, September 25th
During the marathon on Sunday, September 25th, there will be a beer stop for our race-y hash friends (and whoever else wants one). The area gets crowded (and some of our marathon r*nners are RACISTS), so the meeting is in front of the Ampelmann store across from Gendarmenmarkt at 11 am! https://maps.app.goo.gl/PNB81PmN9HjdLroa9. Take the U-Bahn to Hausvogteiplatz. If you’re late you’ll miss the speed demons! Keep an eye on the website and the Facebook event for the exact location, it might move a little bit because it’s CROWDED. Look for the big H3 Beer Stop flag.
After the marathon will be the Red Dress Run! This will meet at the ALDI parking lot at Invalidenstr. 59 (near Hauptbahnhof) at 3:45 pm. Wear red, and celebrate our marathoners while drinking for charity! This year, we will be supporting Berliner Kältehilfe, because, well, you know, winter is coming.
https://www.berlin-h3.eu/event/berlin-h3-run-2146-red-dress-run/
OnOn – Berlin Mismanagement
Getting famous
We’ve been hashing so long, we’ve occasionally made the news!
In 2007: https://www.morgenpost.de/printarchiv/wwbm/article104419720/Laufen-und-Saufen-eine-britische-Spezialitaet.html (German only)
In 2015: https://www.laufen.de/d/hash-house-harriers (German only)
In 2019: https://dansgoldchallenge.wordpress.com/2019/10/29/germany-berlin/ (English only)
Full Moon Hash #72 – 08.02.2020
Eighteen Hashers gathered at Treptower Park for a Saturday night Full Moon Hash! Normally, this r*n would’ve beenreferred to as “69+3”, but number 72 itself had something very special to offer. The Hare, Check my Hairy Nipples,explained how since he was 8 or 9 years old has had a fascination for number 72, and went on in a humoristic-nerdy wayto explain all the mathematical wonders of number 72: so many factors, it’s the sum of 4 consecutive primes (13 through23) and also the sum of six consecutive primes (5 through 19). Number 72 is also a pronic number, which means that it isthe product of two consecutive natural numbers: 8 and 9, and so on. All in all, 72 was presented as a perfect and magicalnumber. The trail was a Live-Hare, for which the Hare asked for a 5 minute head-start. So the pack stayed back at gloomyTreptower Park while enjoying a small shot of a ridiculously aggressive Schnapps that allegedly contained 72% alcoholwhile the Hare laid trail.
The pack took off and found their way along the Spree river in a westward direction, where they had a nice view of theMolecule Man, before entering Schlesischer Busch for a nice r*n stretch through the park. Then the r*unners crossed theformer border between East and West Berlin, across the Landwehrkanal, to enter Görlitzer Park for another concrete-lessstretch of the trail. The Hare had mentioned there was going to be a drink stop, but before finding it, at the exit ofGörlitzer Park with Wiener Strasse, Vagina Destroyer called a drink stop himself. He had a pink purse where he had arabbit and a cow finger puppets, and a lot of whiskey shot-size bottles. At the beginning, he demanded the male hashers toshow him their wieners in order to get some whiskey, and then he asked the girls to flash their boobs for booze. Some didit, some didn’t, but they all got some drinks. Apparently, also, Vagina Destroyer was asked by random people on the streetwhere he had gotten the purse from, and he told them he had stolen it from an old lady.
The r*unners continued the trail through Kreuzberg neighbourhood until the Lohmühlenbrücke, where the cold andimpatient Hare was waiting to offer the real drink stop. Amaretto and some more of the 72% drink were offered to warmup the cold r*unners under the burning light of the full moon. The trail continued east along the NeuköllnerSchifffahrstkanal and eventually the pack made it back safe to East Berlin near the Treptower Park S-Bahn station. S3 andNever Finnish got reunited with the pack for circle, and also Full of Spunk arrived for circle after missing the beginningof trail. Krusty the Meat Miser led the accusations round with heavily poured down downs and then the pack made itsway to the On-In at Check my Hairy Nipple’s and Boobergeben’s house to have an amazing lasagne and tiramisu cake.
Hare: Check my Hairy Nipples
Location: Treptower Park
FM Beermeister: Sixtynanus
Religious Advisor: Krusty the Meat Miser
Attendees: Boobergeben, Dumbledick (visitor from Ottawa H3), Fellowship of the Cockring, Full of Spunk, High Octane, Just Barbara, Pissout, Never Finnish, Pasta in my Pants (visitor from Rome H3), Popo Peepshow, Rico Roofie, Ringpiece, S3, Symphomaniac, Vagina Destroyer.
Scribe: Sixtynanus
Hasher Count: 18
Berlin Hash #2008 – 20 Years of Semen
Semen on the Pew commemorated 20 years of hashing with a trail at Potsdamer Platz. Semen has meticulously documented every r*n he has ever attended and the count stands at 1231 r*ns with 95 kennels in 63 cities and 29 countries. Not to mention he has hared 126 times, taken on the roles of RA, GM and even founded (!) a hash in Mexico.
Congratulations Semen!
Trail got off to a slow start because of a difference of opinion between the hare and the Beermeister as to the startlocation. Thanks to front running bastardry from Vagina Destroyer and Ringpiece we quickly found trail and made up forlost time, even if a multitude of L2 checks ensured that the FRBs never got too far ahead of the pack. At the final L2check we got to know two of our Justs a little more intimately. One commented on how much he was enjoying the bush,although, as he assured anyone who would listen, it’s not his usual preference (Put your Left Leg was sung to him later),while the other recalled her most fond childhood memory … peeing outdoors. This left the rest of us feeling pretty goodabout our childhoods.
The weather outside was frightful, which was fittingly sung to the Religious Advisor after some debate about where toform circle (this time a difference of opinion between the BM and the RA). We opted for a car-park next to a tent wherewe could keep our belongings dry – this turned out to be ever so mildly problematic. Both Semen on the Pew andFellowship of the Cockring took Down-Downs for failing to wash off signs of the previous night; Semen was even therecipient of a new song In the Navy. We met two new virgins from Boston and Capetown whose favourite positionsinclude CEO and reverse cowgirl and these two brought the Just count to five. The aforementioned problematicism cameto a fore and circle ended quite abruptly. Never mind, we packed up and moved on to the On-In hosted by Semen wherebeers and Chilli con Carne were enjoyed. A couple of hashers were brought to tears by High Octane, who may have beenabsent in person but was certainly present in spirit, channelled through her famous hot sauce.
Hare: Semen on the Pew
Location: Potsdamer Platz
Biermeister: Kiss me Kindl
Religious Advisor: Check my Hairy Nipples
Attendees: Boobergeben, Fellowship of the Cockring, Full of Spunk, Hand in Horse, Just Barbara, Just Josh, Just Lauren,Just Melissa, Just Mike, Maria Phallus, Popo Peepshow, Rico Roofie, Ringpiece, Sauerkraut, Sex Trap, Symphomaniac,Twat High, Vagina Destroyer.
Hasher Count: 21
Scribe: Check My Hairy Nipples
Berlin Hash #2006 – 19.01.2020
What a turnout! One of the largest groups ever seen at a winter hash showed up for a trail in Lichtenberg. The Hares andthe Beermeister were both caught unprepared and underbeered. Thankfully, some last minute reshuffling and purchasingmeant no one went home thirsty. At Chalk Talk the hares introduced a never seen before symbol, BB for Beer Barrier.After reaching BB, hashers searched for a beer hidden nearby and and were only allowed to continue trail once the beerhad been located and drunk. Congratulations High Octane and Ringpiece for their eagle eyes, highly adapted to zoomingin on a potential beverage. Between the two Beer Barriers was a second new symbol, an exclamation mark! This marked adicey canal crossing that was cleared by a few hashers in a single bound. Most hashers opted to bypass this peril andfound a safer crossing up the road. Shortly after these safety-first Hashers rejoined trail, Berlin’s greatest elevator wasdiscovered next to a check – this elevator moved not only vertically, but also horizontally. Given the possibility that trailrequired a ride on this mesmerising contraption, many crammed in and pressed the button. Just as the doors were closing,On On was called in a different direction but it was too late. These lucky hashers enjoyed a cramped up-sideways-downride to the other side only to have to immediately make the return journey.
The wa*kers were the first to arrive at Beer Stop but they thought (yes, big mistake) that the runners had already finishedtheir beers and moved on. This resulted in a lengthy wait back at Hash Car until the pack arrived. At least it allowed timefor the Beermeister and one of the Hares to acquire more beer. Berlin’s newest Religious Advisor, Full of Spunk, allottedDown-Downs to the many long-time-no-sees, to the thinkers on trail, to Cock Teacher for corrupting song lyrics and toSymphomaniac for volunteering the wrong run number when no one asked her (amid myriad other crimes). Onsummoning the Virgin Nina into circle, the RA was ever-so-slightly stymied by her quirkiness and unwillingness to giveany direct answers. Finally we discovered her name and that she likes money. A round of social drinking in the darkfollowed circle. If there was an unofficial OnIn, the scribe knows nothing of it, because he jumped on his bike and fuckedoff home.
Hares: Boobergeben, Check my Hairy Nipples
Location: Lichtenberg
Beermeister: Hot Climax
Religious Advisor: Full of Spunk
Scribe: Check my Hairy Nipples
Attendees: Cock Teacher, Dirty Berti, High Octane, Just Barbara, Just Charley, Just Mike, Just Nina, Just Oliver, JustSalomé, Lemmiwanks, Maria Phallus, Mopedophile, Mr Bean, Reamer Screamer, Rico Roofie, Ringpiece, Runs fromSex, Sauerkraut, Short Fat & Black, Sixtynanus, Sperminator, Symphomaniac, Top Half, Touched by Boobies, VaginaDestroyer
Hasher Count: 29
Berlin Hash #2005 – 12.01.2020
Hashers enjoyed a scenic r*n from Plänterwald along a series of canals (some covered in vivid green duckweed) that ledto Treptower Park and a beer stop with a view of the sun setting over the Spree. How awful… Both Lemmiwanks and CallGirl brought canine companions on trail, Shithead and Jack On Jack Off, but it was Call Girl who finally sniffed out thebeer after a long and thirsty search through the bush. Shithead earned his name by greeting Hairy Nipples with a paw tothe majesticles and welcoming Touched by Boobies with a good ole mounting. At the Beer Stop, Cock Teacher wasassisted by the hare, Short Fat & Black, in handling a large pole during a daring and heroic rescue of a plastic cup thatstrayed into the Spree – obviously that earned them a down-down later. A virgin, Just Charlie, a citizen of the world witha past in Korea, New Zealand, Australia and England, tasted her first down-down and experienced her first circle. Andwhat a circle it was – Justs Josh, Mike and Barbara witnessed a glimpse of what their futures might hold: a naming! JustPatrick was farewelled as Boobergeben was welcomed. After enthusiasm was shown for all four short-listed names, theReligious Advisor was forced to make a final decision. Runner-up names included Reverse Breastfeeder, Lusten forNutten and Isaac Nutten. Shout-Out to Boobergeben for taking a proper baptism in the middle of Berlin winter – not thathe was given much choice. And a special mention must go to High Octane who hared her second ever trail. Severalhashers took the S-Bahn to Ostkreuz for a beer and a feed at the spontaneous OnIn at Straßenbräu.
Hares: Short, Fat & Black and High Octane
Location: Plänterwald
Beermeister: Kiss Me Kindl
Religious Advisor: Check my Hairy Nipples
Scribe: Check my Hairy Nipples
Participants: Sauerkraut, Boobergeben, Touched by Boobies, Call Girl, Lemmiwanks, Runs from Sex, Dirty Berti, Cock Teacher, Symphomaniac, Full of Spunk, Just Charlie (virgin), Just Barbara, Just Mike.
Hasher Count: 17
Full Moon Hash #71 – 10.01.2020
Fourteen hashers gathered at Schönhauser Allee for a lovely Friday night Full Moon Hash: it was not that cold, nor thatwet (Thanks, RA! – or should we thank Global warming too?). Just like at many other FM Hashes, this was a live-Haretrail. And to most of the pack’s surprise, Ring Piece asked the group for a cheeky 10 minute head-start to lay trail, insteadof the usual 15. Anyhow, less than 5 minutes after the Hare’s departure, the crowd started to get impatient by waiting inthe cold. Finally, with less than 7 minutes head-start, the impatience of the pack got to its limits and everybody ran offtrying to catch the Hare (as the main priority).
The second priority of the trail became not to loose Hot Climax, who had the keys to her apartment, where she verykindly allowed everybody to drop their bags. And it was really ridiculous, because less than 100m in, the 13 r*nners werecompletely confused by some fresh flour marks on the trees, until the trail quickly stopped having any sense. It took thepack nearly 20 minutes to figure out the correct way. Everybody but Sauerkraut (who was determined to find some logicin the latter mentioned blobs) made it safe to the first Späti-beer-stop – which was just 500m from the starting point!Those Pilsner beers were highly appreciated! It was then very clear that the confusing blobs were from the ChristmasHash Hangover Stroll from December 8th! How on Earth did those blobs still look that fresh?!
The pack of r*nners (still without Sauerkraut) set off again after the Hare through scenic Northern-Prenzlauerbergneighborhood. The trail then led to this time’s Touched by Boobies’ favorite street name: “Westerlandstr”, where therewas a check. While Symphomaniac was looking for the true trail, Touched by Boobies and Pissout sang out loud thelyrics to Westerland (presumably from “Die Ärzte”). Therefore, nobody was able to hear the “On-On”, but, anyway,Symphomaniac had to come back because apparently there was an “X” after the 3rd blob. Then, the pack found it’s wayto a very refreshing 2nd Späti-beer-stop, where Sauerkraut magically appeared!
After a second well earned refreshment, the pack teleported to Scandinavia. The final stretch of the r*n took place throughNordic-named streets, where the exotic embassies of Cuba, Eritrea, Ghana, Cabo Verde and Bosnia-Herzegovina werespotted. The wind then blew as hard and cold as if the crew were really up north and – while suffering the weatherinclemencies – an unofficial Hash Flash was taken with a female Viking statue at the “Spielplatz an der Norwegerstr”.The crossing of the Schwedter-Steg pedestrian bridge was fantastic, after which Sixtynanus and Semen on the Pewstopped to take a leak. They lost the end of the pack, became official DFL’s, abandoned trail and r*n straight back to HashHome.
On the way back to Schönhauser Allee, the great Friedrich-Ludwig-Jahn-Sportpark (stadium right next to Mauerpark) wasspotted. This is the home turf of the Berliner FC Dynamo, that nowadays play in the Regionalliga Nordost (4th tier ofGerman National Football), but that once played in the highest tier of former GDR Football. Unofficially known as aStasi-Club, the BFC Dynamo was the most successful team in the GDR during the 42 years of split history of GermanFootball, with a total of 10 league titles – actually obtained consecutively – between 1978 and 1988.
Back to the Hash, Semen on the Pew and Sixtynanus were not sure (but assumed) that they had finished before the rest ofthe pack, and decided to wait at the Schawarma place next door from Hot Climax’s. A Schawarma was presumably eatenwhile waiting. After waiting for too long, Sixtynanus rang the doorbell and found out that the rest of the group werealready upstairs at Hot Climax’s moon-burn-free apartment, getting ready to start circle. After missing the last Full MoonHash, Krusty the Meat Miser resumed his newly appointed role of FM Religious Advisor. There was a controversy at thevery beginning, as the RA awarded the same song (you’re not number 5, 4, 3, 2… you’re number “1”) to both the Hareand the DFL’s. At the end, the crowd exonerated the RA from a big violation because the second time he did sing it ratherslowly, matching the DFL’s r*nning pace. Sauerkraut got a big, fat down-down for going missing for most of the r*n, andfor the 2nd or 3rd time there was a failed attempt to name Just Josh… maybe next time, lucky boy! The On-in took placeat März, where F7 spectacularly celebrated her 40th birthday in a golden gown. No-show Hashers: F1, Callgirl, Full ofSpunk and Top Half were also there.
Hare: Ring Piece
Location: Schönhauser Allee
FM Beermeister: Hot Climax/Ring Piece
Religious Advisor: Krusty the Meat Miser
Scribe: Sixtynanus
Attendees: Check my Hairy Nipples, Symphomaniac, Sauerkraut, High Octane, Semen on the Pew, Touched by Boobies, Lemmiwanks, Pissout, Just Josh, Dutch Ditch Bitch.
Hasher Count: 14
Berlin Hash #2003 – 29.12.2019
The last r*n of 2019 was attended by a bunch of smartly dressed hashers. A rare sight indeed! The black tie dress codewas adhered to in various degrees – special mentions go to our hare Silent P, our GM Semen on the Pew, our RA HairyNipples as well as Just Patrick. Trail commenced on a frosty Sunday afternoon in Mitte. The temperature didn’t keep thecrowds away and well dressed hashers enjoyed plenty of admiring and bewildered glances from the public. The hare waskeen to escape the cold and make it pünktlich to OnIn at Clärchens Ballhaus and was guilty of a little front-running-haring. Because of this, or perhaps just due to laziness, the runners gave up and a lot of wa*king was enjoyed all round.At the coldest circle in recent history, two crates of beer sat lonely and watched on with sadness and jealousy as everyhasher opted for warm Glühwein. At least a few down-downs were enjoyed by those guilty of crimes or circumstance.Following circle, most of the attendees took a quick walk to Clärchens Ballhaus for an OnIn. A little mismanagement onthe part of the staff meant hashers awkwardly rubbed backsides with dancers on a full dance floor as we attempted (to noavail) to fit 16 hashers at an 8 person table. The situation soon resolved itself and sparkling wine, beer and food wasenjoyed by all. A few hashers took to the dance floor to strut their stuff while the rest opted for the pleasures of alcohol,voyeurism and an ass firmly planted on a seat. What a way to see out a year of hashing.
Hare: Silent P
Location: U Weinmeister Straße
Beermeister: Kiss Me Kindl
Religious Advisor: Check my Hairy Nipples
Scribe: Check my Hairy Nipples
Attendees: Symphomaniac, Semen on the Pew, High Octane, Wunderbra, Mr Bean, Sperminator, Cock Teacher, Dirty Berti, Just Patrick, Call Girl, Full of Spunk, Sauerkraut, Long Overdue
Berlin Hash #2002 – 22.12.2019
T’was the Sunday before Christmas and all through Berlin, the Hashers were hungover from beer, wine, and gin… okmostly just from Glühwein thanks to the previous day’s Weihnachtsmarkt visit. So did we want to run? No! Did we wantmore Glühwein? Absolutely! And so a group of festive half-minds managed to show up at Klosterstraße wearing Santahats. We’re such a coordinated bunch!
Being typical non-thinking hashers, Sperminator and Full of Spunk had trouble counting to seven. Dirty Bertie beganshowing around a slip of paper – no, not his phone number this time. It was a note saying he had laryngitis and couldn’ttalk! But nothing a Glühwein can’t fix. Hope you feel better soon!
Hot Climax got us circled up for chalk talk – only there was no actual chalk. Nor would there be a real trail! But a walkthrough the Christmas markets sounded good to our lazy asses too. Too bad we couldn’t count it as a live trail and pantsher, though!
And we were off! On a shortcut through a mall, Santa caught High Octane’s eye, but it was Suck My Dummy who went up on stage with him to serenade the crowd with “Oh Tannenbaum”. We’re just really glad he didn’t break into “Jingle Balls” 😅
We finally made it to the market at Alexanderplatz… oh man was it crowded. But thanks to our hats we stuck together andquickly found a whole table to ourselves. Latecummer Just Josh even managed to find us, rocking up half a Glühweindeep already. We enjoyed plenty more Glühwein and stronger variations thereof, plus homemade Christmas cookies –many were decapitated or deoculated at the hands of Just Oliver.
For a change of scenery, we eventually moved on to the beautiful Nicolaiviertel where several harriettes got a crashcourse in contortionism trying to use a späti toilet. The rest took advantage of the Feuerzangenbowle outside… so yum!Apparently there’s a movie named after the drink or the drink is named after the movie…we were getting confused by thispoint.
On the way back to Hash Home, about a third of the pack (ok mainly Just Josh) got distracted by majestic, glisteninghorse balls and lost the others. Boobies had to then commit a technology infraction and RU the others via WhatsApp.
Back at circle, we noticed Dirty Bertie had ghosted us! The hare proceeded to RA circle herself and the usual circleshenanigans followed – beer was drunk, elbows were pointed, visitors were welcomed. Accusations were repeated somore beer was drunk. Your scribe was given many down-downs so the rest of the details are fuzzy. Hashy Christmas, youfilthy wankers!
Hare: Hot Climax
Location: Klosterstraße
Beermeister:
Religious Advisor: Hot Climax
Scribe: Touched by Boobies
Attendees:
Berlin Hash #2001 – 15.12.2019
Although Winter is cuming, and Saturday had shitty rainy weather, the Religious Adviser was able to revert the gray andgloomy conditions, and provided the pack with a very pleasant, mild and almost-golden afternoon. The outdoor drinking(and r*nnin) conditions were perfect, but not everything was spotless. The compact group of 11 hashers that gathered atJannowitzbrücke was bewildered by the hare’s outfit. Lemme Wanks had no signs of flour on his clothes and was wearingjeans. Did he even lay trail? To add to the shady situation, the pack found a used syringe and a broken spoon around theplace where Lemme Wanks was about to start the chalk talk. The marks were standard, with the addition of “Naughty”checks, “Salmon” checks… and “F”, meaning “false trail” or “further and faster”. A bit confused by the latter, 8 runnersparted ways with the wanking trio composed by Sex Trap, Oliver and the Hare. (Yes, the hare chose not to run the trail hehad just laid). So the 8 r*nners were left alone, unprotected and unsupervised. The trail led to the Märkisches Museum,where the first “F” was found and was interpreted as a false trail. Also, on the premises of the museum, a peculiar statueof a man covering his parts with a dagger was spotted and taken as an unofficial Hash Flash. There were too many checks,but the pack enjoyed the dynamics of the “Naughty” ones, where you had to wait for the next r*nner to arrive and spankyou so you could go check for the true trail, and so on. The “Salmon” check – for the Canadians – consisted of recreating asalmon going through the legs of the hasher in turn, rapidly slapping him/her several times in the inner thighs. (Yeah, thatwas weird). Near St. Michael Kirche the marks began to be unclear. The enthusiastic virgin Just Mike kept checking forthe true trail with other FRBs Runs From Sex, Check My Hairy Nipples, Pissout and Krusty the Meat Miser, withoutmuch luck. There wasn’t much flour to be spotted, but the pack found a sign from a Football team called“ANADOLUSpor” (which totally sounds like a Hash name). The team plays on Berlin’s 3rd Division (8th national tier onthe DFB pyramid structure). Anyway, at the corner of Wranglerstr and Touched by Boobies’ new favorite street name:Manteuffelstr, the Hare made a terrible technology violation and contacted the r*nners asking if they were lost. Accordingto the r*nners location, they were already ahead of the planned beer stop, so the Hare directed the pack towardsSchlesisches Tor, where a Full-Moon-style beer stop took place at a Späti. The disoriented, tired and thirsty r*nners highlyappreciated the well earned refreshment after r*nning those extra miles. For the second leg of the trail, some r*nners fellfor the commodity of a leisurely stroll straight back to Hash Home, while overachievers Symphomaniac, Runs From Sex,Just Mike and Krusty The Meat Miser decided to complete the r*nners trail. But that was a complete load of BS, as theyalso ended up just running straight to Hash Home and waited for the grown w*nkers group while having a beer at a barnearby. Circle focused on punishing the Hare, of course, who got not one, but two down-downs for laying such a shittytrail and for opting not to run it himself. “You’re a Shitty Hare” and “S-H-I-T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L” were his awards. There wasa lot of pissing on trail, technology violations, no Hash-gear and other regular accusation that were rewarded with mostlyhash songs composed to Christmas tunes, which was pretty cool. The pack happily swung low after the super generousdown-downs from Sex Trap and then travelled to Warschauerstr, where the On-In took place at a Burrito place called “NoHablo Español”. For the curious, it was indeed confirmed that the two white guys running the place spoke no Spanish atall.
Hare: Lemme Wanks
Location: Jannowitzbrücke
Beermeister: Sex Trap
Religious Advisor: Check My Hairy Nipples
Scribe: 69nus
Other Attendees:
Symphomaniac, Touched by Boobies, Just Mike (virgin), Pissout, 69nus, Runs From Sex, Krusty the Meat Miser and JustOliver.
Full Moon Hash #70 – 12.12.2019
The 70th Full Moon run of the Berlin Hash got off to a shaky start with ever so slight confusion about the start point. Butwe forgave our hare Almost Fizzled, especially since he was roped into laying trail at short notice and not given much of achoice. Somehow word got around that he had volunteered at the previous Full Moon (which he, in fact, didn’t attend).Ring Piece, Hairy Nipples and Semen on the Pew might have been involved in this rumour mill. Trail started atFrankfurter Tor and we were joined by two visitors (lucky we stuck to the original location!) Bodsa and McCavity fromScotland. Our pack slowly grew throughout the night with fifty shades of lateness starting with High Octane, who made itto chalk talk, Runs from Sex, beer stop, Sex Trap, before circle, Full of Spunk, during circle. We enjoyed a solid live trailwith plenty of checks, a play stop and a night jog through a dimly lit park. Everything was going well until a check withtwo correct (3+ blobs) ways which both led back to blobs from 3 km previously creating a nice circle jerk. Almost Fizzleddidn’t escape several down-downs for his crimes. Circle took place at the foot of one of many glorious GDR architecturalmasterpieces. 10 people, 20 beers, perfect numbers or so we thought until Full of Spunk decided to show her face. Cold,windy and dark… sounds like perfect conditions for the baptism of Mathstitute. She has been an avid hasher for the shorttime since her first trail a few months ago but is leaving for Queensland next week. Farewell, and fuck off! Makali, falafelor kufta were enjoyed by all at the OnIn followed by beer for most of the full-mooners.
Hare: Almost Fizzled
Location: Frankfurter Tor
FM Beermeister: Ring Piece
Religious Advisor: Check My Hairy Nipples
Scribe: Check My Hairy Nipples
Attendees: (in order of appearance) Almost Fizzled, Ring Piece, Check my Hairy Nipples, Bodsa, McCavity,Sauerkraut, Mathstitute, High Octane, Runs from Sex, Sex Trap, Full of Spunk
Berlin Hash #1998 – 01.12.2019
Two virgin hares, Just Josh and Just Teresa were aided by veteran hare-ess Call Girl in laying a trail in distant but scenicKöpernick. A litany of crimes were committed before the hash even got underway. The hares turned up late to their owntrail with the half-way-adequate excuse of enjoying Glühwein at the nearby Christmas stalls. Even later was theBeermeister with the Hash Car, giving us plenty of time to enjoy the frosty weather. Full of Spunk committed an earlyfoul with alcohol abuse, kicking over a warm Glühwein and Krusty the Meat Miser left far too little to the imaginationwith a display of various pasty-white body parts and fiery-red hair. Fortunately, trail did soon get underway.Unfortunately, the scribe was already onto his severalth beer and the rest is a bit of a blur. Lemme Wanks wasaccompanied by a large and excitable canine companion. Beer with a not too subtle essence of fish seems to haveimprinted itself irreversibly onto the minds of those unfortunate enough to opt for the pils at an otherwise lovely little beerstop. We welcomed three visiting hashers from the Istanbul hash, Madame Coco, Dickie Flasher and Kiddie Fiddler (atleast two of which may be moving to Berlin soon). Congratulations to our first time hares for an almost acceptable trail.You’ve now completed one of the most important prerequisites for a naming.
Hares: Just Josh, Just Teresa, Call Girl
Location: Köpernick
Beermeister: Kiss Me Kindl
Religious Advisor: Check My Hairy Nipples
Attendees:
Hot Climax, Sex Trap, Just Oliver, Lemme Wanks, Fellowship of the Cockring, Popo Peepshow, Full of Spunk, Hand inHorse, Krusty the Meat Miser, High Octane, Just Barbara, Dirty Berti, Ringpiece, Touched by Boobies, Symphomaniac(?), Madame Coco, Dickie Flasher, Kiddie Fiddler
Berlin Hash #1997 – 24.11.2019
Just Whatever Twat was joined by Dirty Berti in laying a beautiful winter forest trail in Buch. This was one of the fewtrails at which Dirty Berti was not accompanied by his better half. He promptly made the most of the situation, handingout his phone number to everyone (supposedly in case we got lost in the dark woods). We enjoyed a drink stop at aviewing platform in the forest overlooking wetlands. Amaretto and an odd tasting Bavarian white spirit, distilled from theroots of a rare and magical mountain plant, were on offer. Despite getting lost and missing the last 2km of his own trail,Just Whatever Twat was awarded a down-down for most improved layer – we were pleasantly surprised that there was infact flour and blobs and a trail to be found! The RA celebrated his Birthday, was presented with red shoes by Sex Trap andHot Climax (late-cummers!) and you can guess what followed…
Hare: Just Whatever Twat and Dirty Berti
Location: Buch
Beermeister: Mango Sucker
Religious Advisor: Check My Hairy Nipples
Berlin Hash #1994 – 03.11.2019
The weather looked grim but our religious advisor pulled through and another large hash turn-out enjoyed a dry r*naround Rummelsburger See and the quaint back-streets of Rummelsburg and Victoriastadt, a stark contrast to nearbyFriedrichshain. Maria-Phallus joined the Berlin hash for the first time and was promptly misidentified as a kiwi by herfellow countryman Lazy-Licker. After one of the great chalk-talks of recent times, the impatient hashers set off beforelate-comers Dutch-Ditch-Bitch and Piss-Out could get their gear in the hash car. Our wa*kers played the role ofpackhorse and didn’t take long on their leisurely stroll to the pub and enjoyed a Glühwein while waiting for the rest of thepack. Good thing too – their early arrival gave the bar staff of the aptly named Die kleine Kneipe a little forewarning. Ashort run back to the meeting point was followed by social drinking and circle. The hare drank and drank again. Somewa*kers seemed to be under the illusion that a wa*kers’ trail ought be longer than 2km. Who’d have known? Mr Beanthought it was the perfect length – that didn’t stop him from taking a couple of pisses en route. This week boasted strongAustralian and American contingents (Hairy-Nipples, Lazy-Licker, Maria-Phallus and Just-Theresa from Oz; Semen onthe Pew, Piss-Out, Lemme wanks, Just Josh, Popo-Peepshow and Fellowship-of-the-Cockring from the land of seppos).Lazy-Licker’s introduction of an alternate anti-Australian song to the tune of Land Down Under received a mixedreception and was promptly followed by the classic, I guess hashers are creatures of habit. More beers were enjoyed at theOnIn at Strassenbräu where Krusty-the-Meat-Miser and Just Eta also graced us with their presence.
Hare: Check-my-Hairy-Nipples
Location: Ostkreuz
Beermeister: Kiss-Me-Kindl
Religious Advisor: Top-Half
Attendees:
Piss Out, Dutch Ditch Bitch, Runs from Sex, Just Kathrine, Just Ben, Just Danny, Deep & Dirty, Sperminator, Mr Bean,Wee-Wee, Body of Desire, Lazy Licker, Semen on the Pew, Just Josh, Lemme Wanks, Popo Peepshow, Fellowship of theCockring, Just Theresa, Maria Phallus, Touched by Boobies, High Octane, Short Fat and Black, Hand in Horse, JustMikkel, Symphomaniac
Berlin Hash #1993 – 27.10.2019
Our first winter run for the season came and passed and, as far as we know, all hashers successfully noted the time changeand turned up for a 14:45 start. Perhaps we’re not such a bunch of half-minds after all. Alternatively, several appeared anhour late and headed to the pub, ashamed and too embarrassed to reveal a very good reason for a down-down. Theconfused hares somehow managed to lay no less than three trails – sadly none of which included a beer stop. Not toworry. Some of our wa*kers took things into their own hands creating an unplanned beer stop, proceeding to lose theirway and allow plenty of social drinking time for the rest of us, before we finally started circle (without them). Looking atyou Lazy Licker, Cock Teacher, Dirty Birdy and Oktoberflesh. Being the hare, we might have expected Oktoberflesh tofind trail. Last I checked, whooping cough affects the upper airways rather than the hippocampus. Never-the-less, bravo isin order for laying trail in a diseased state and a half-way acceptable excuse for refusing down-downs. Given theexceptional circumstances, Oktoberflesh allocated each down-down to another hasher – Call Girl being the mainbeneficiary (/victim?). The runners’ trail ran rather smoothly. Aside from some front-running-haring, not too manycomplaints to be made. The view from the top of Humboldthain was acceptable and the r*nners set a cracking pace,seldom seen at a Berlin Hash. Three virgins were soon no longer to be after their initiation. Welcome Justs Ole, Eta andMikkel from Germany, Ireland and Denmark, whose favourite positions include doggy style, cow girl and with pizza. Wehope to see you again. Visitors Just Dan and Dutch Oven were also welcomed. As the sun went down, beer and animpressive repertoire of songs were enjoyed by all. 69anus and Rico Roofie got it on cow girl style as punishment for sexon trail and Krusty the Meat Miser was joined by Upper Crusty who was joined by Top Half who was joined byOktoberflesh in a chain of if one Krusty/Top Half/hare drinks… After one of the larger turn outs in recent times (upwardsof 30), many hashers headed to the nearby BrewDog for a tasty ale or seven and some strangely named pizza.
Hares: Top Half and Oktoberflesh.
Location: Nordbahnhof
Beermeister: Sex Trap and Hot Climax. Plus credit to Almost Fizzled for pouring
Religious Advisor: Check my Hairy Nipples
Attendees:
Lazy Licker, Symphomaniac, Sex Trap, Hot Climax, Rico Roofie, Piss Out, Just Josh, Just Theresa, Just Dan, Just Eta,Just Mikkel, Dutch Oven, Bobolicious, Sauerkraut, Cock Teacher, Dirty Birdy, Semen on the Pew, Semen’s daughter,Sperminator, Mr Bean, Krusty, Upper Crusty, Call Girl, Racing Lobster, Just Oliver, Almost Fizzled, Short, Fat & Black
Scribe: Check my Hairy Nipples